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friedapearl

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[Jun. 15th, 2007|09:40 am]
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[mood | anxious]

Well, I got the acceptance letter from nursing school. As I read the page, my happiness dissolved into anxiety. They are doing a background check. Of course I knew this was coming, no use in crying like a little bitch over it now, as my husband so supportively stated, but still.....
I've made some major mistakes in my life, and deservedly, had to pay dearly for them. But I am hoping my dues are up to date.
I really want this. For myself, my family, and because it would have made my sister so happy. I want to work in public health, possibly in the penal system. I want to offer healthcare for people who otherwise haven't been able to get it.
I can act all virtuous and altruistic about it, but the simple truth is that if I don't make my life worth something to other people, and am not able to give back to a world I have leeched so much from, then I m back to being an empty woman, looking for various substances to fill me up.
I know better than to put all my eggs in one basket, but....here I am.

I'm going up there later today to finish the paperwork, but first I'm going to run a few miles and go to the gym for some much deserved penance.......
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: [info]nakedemperor
2007-06-15 05:06 pm (UTC)

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i don't know what to say to this really, but my heart is with you and my fingers are crossed for you.
[User Picture]From: [info]cafe_dulce
2007-06-15 05:19 pm (UTC)

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I don't want to lie and say everything is going to be ok, because I don't know. I don't know how important this is or how it will stand up to other things. I am sorry. Sometimes I still like to comment even if I don't know what to say because I want people to know that I read and I care.
[User Picture]From: [info]obliviousme
2007-06-16 02:08 am (UTC)

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I hope everything works out! You've been clean for a long time now, I can't imagine that the people wouldn't understand that you've worked your ass off to get where you are.
[User Picture]From: [info]tsukkomi
2007-06-16 04:10 pm (UTC)

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first of all, congratulations on you acceptance. now, about the background check... i dont know the extent of the mistakes youve made in the past, but it might be worth talking to someone at the school about your situation first. a lot of people, and even some large institutions can be quite understanding when it comes to people with shady pasts who are clearly and demonstrably trying to make something better of themselves - but pre-emptive honesty is often the best way to show that you KNOW you fucked up in the past but you are not planning on making the same choices in the future and that you are aware of how bad your past choices may look to other. in any case, GOOD LUCK!
[User Picture]From: obsessed_nicky
2007-06-16 11:58 pm (UTC)

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if it means anything to you, your insight and support have been significant in helping me to feel understood and gratified, which has been crucial in my survival of the last year or so. you're giving back, even if you aren't always aware of it.