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friedapearl

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angsty type shit. [Aug. 1st, 2007|08:49 am]
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[mood | anxious]

Thought I would post here for a change, I will most likely be around a lot less when school starts, I plan to spend as much time as possible at the library because I have a habit of getting distracted by bullshit here at the house....LJ will be taking a back seat, it has to.
I was pretty intimidated when i left orientation yesterday......They made it sound like we were bucking for a Nobel prize, just to get through nursing school. Sometimes I wonder if there really is a point to this, that maybe I should stay home and just be a wife, mom, and help run the business. But the thought is stifling.
This busybody bitch at the gym yesterday was marveling at how "everyone" is going into nursing and my goodness, you'll all be working at Target waiting for jobs to open up.....I wanted to knock her off the treadmill.
I'm feeling angry about a lot of shit I have no control over.
I'm upset that [info]gigglethrough felt so utterly worthless and alone that she found no reason to keep breathing another day.
I'm glad she's ok, but what now.....?
It makes me squirm, after meeting some of these coozes in my class, that they might actually be caring for my goldfish one day, let alone my father or sister or husband. Yikes.
It pisses me off when eating disordered women, especially those who are young and childless, jump up and down in glee when their period stops. I fucked myself up to the point where I was 35 before I was able to maintain a pregnancy, and that was touch and go. Losing your period ages you, and ultimately you will have the bone density of an 80 year old woman by the time you are 30.....I don't care if this makes people mad ,this is my journal. defriend me if you don't like it.
I'm angry that the most time consuming "hobby" I have is unproductive, dangerous and disgusting.
I "only" do it once a day, so why can't I just stop?
I should be exited, I have a full scholarship and extra financial aid, I will hopefully have a career when it's all said and done.....I think I'm just insecure about my abilities, and afraid of the ol' self-sabotage kicking in.
I need to go to the gym and sweat it off, with earphones at the ready so I don't have to talk to anyone, go to my dentist's office, etc etc.
Do the deal, get through the day.......
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: [info]talloo
2007-08-01 04:48 pm (UTC)

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That's fine, you can be pissed off at my post about my period.



I am not young.
I am childless. That is a choice I made. My ovaries could shrivel up tommorrow and I would be fine with that. I am not fond of kids, and have too many things I want to do rather than being a mom. I don't feel the need to bring a child into this shitty over populated world.

This sound like I am being pissy, but I am not.
I am just giving you my perspective.

Anyhow... good luck with your nursing school. It will be alot of work, but also a needed distraction from your "hobby."
[User Picture]From: [info]friedapearl
2007-08-01 05:13 pm (UTC)

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I was not focusing solely on your post. That's why I posted HERE and not in reply to your post. I hear alot of anguish expressed by many when they resume menstruating. It gets on my nerves from time to time.
I felt the same way you described until I had a child, and it opened up a whole new incredible way to love that i think is unique to mother and daughter. It's not necessary for fulfillment to experience it, but I couldn't imagine my life otherwise.
And kids are just little people, some are likable, some aren't.
Peace...?
[User Picture]From: [info]talloo
2007-08-01 10:38 pm (UTC)

Peace?

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What? Fuuuuuk-q ms. frieda!!!! Don't you know my opinion is the only thing that matters? Since you disagree w/me you shall now face my thunderous wrath.

Yeah, I am sooo convincing huh?

Seriously though. No kiddlings for us. I tried to find a doctor to get my tubes tied, but no one will. But wonder of wonders, husband had no problem finding some doc to give him a snip. We've talked long and hard about about it. We are both staunchly child free. We've finally got the parents to accept the fact that there will be no grand babies from us.
Besides, I already have a baby that weight 70 pounds, tracks mud through the house and have very icky breath. The dog is about all I want to handle.
[User Picture]From: [info]friedapearl
2007-08-01 11:04 pm (UTC)

Re: Peace?

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That seems kind of sexist that they will snip him without protest but refuse to tie you. What are we, mere vessels??!! I respect your decision....and everything else about you.
[User Picture]From: [info]ana_vampirate
2007-08-01 06:32 pm (UTC)

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you won't be the only one that's a little bit more scarce come schooltimes.
i won't lie, nursing won't be easy, but orientation is supposed to intimidate so the wrong people don't end up in the program. but i know you'll be fine.
you should've knocked her off the treadmill and then when people rushed to her aid, you could've been like "don't worry! i go to nursing school!" and then instead of treating her many wounds, add to them.
well, i've never had a period. but i've also never rejoiced over losing it.
unproductive, dangerous and disgusting? doesn't sound so grand.
i think that you will be just fine through all of this. i think this because i said so.
<3
[User Picture]From: [info]friedapearl
2007-08-01 07:06 pm (UTC)

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Hey thanks for that. I am the moodiest one alive sometimes. I felt like knocking her off the treadmill especially when she kept trying to get me to gossip about my friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm not above gossip, but not when I can see the drool in the corners of her mouth when she thinks I'm going to impart some dirt. Guess again, bitch
[User Picture]From: [info]ana_vampirate
2007-08-01 08:36 pm (UTC)

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people need to know the boundaries of right place and time. and also to not drool.
[User Picture]From: [info]nakedemperor
2007-08-01 08:08 pm (UTC)

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s'up woman!
i read this earlier without time to reply, and i'm i'm distracted with eddie izzard so i'm just all about sharing my love for you, with you, because of you...or something.

hi :)
[User Picture]From: [info]friedapearl
2007-08-01 08:29 pm (UTC)

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I love eddie izzard. Do you get 'the riches' in the UK? Outstanding stuff. I'm going to be a nurse Charlie. That's a truly scary thought.
[User Picture]From: [info]kamilian
2007-08-01 10:17 pm (UTC)

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Hi, I never know how to do this without it sounding really serious like a marriage proposal or sounding like an idiot but was wondering if it was ok to add you? and you add me etc?

Good luck with the nursing and spending less time on LJ - I spend way more time on the internet in uni time because I procrastinate about doing work so much!

xo
From: (Anonymous)
2007-08-01 10:22 pm (UTC)

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Yes. and yes. Boy, sounding autistic much?
[User Picture]From: [info]talloo
2007-08-01 10:39 pm (UTC)

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What's up the anonimity?
[User Picture]From: [info]friedapearl
2007-08-01 11:06 pm (UTC)

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livejournal keeps logging me out....??!!
[User Picture]From: [info]so_unsexxy
2007-08-02 01:33 am (UTC)

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ALL I EVER HEAR ABOUT IS HOW MUCH THEY ARE IN NEED OF NURSES EVERYWHERE!

I'm serious, it's a known fact that if you have a nursing degree you can get a great, well paying job anywhere. I'm jelous of my friends who are in nursing programs. My freshman year bio teacher always tried to push me to go into the Physician assistant program at my old college but I know the med stuff = chem and I SUCK at that. Love biology though. I would have smacked the bitch on the treadmill...or just turned my headphones up and started sprinting. Because I gots no balls.

Go on with your bad nursing self, I admire you so much for going after you goals. It takes so much to switch and begin new careers after you have a family and stuff, much harder then doing it fresh out of college with no worries. Tell your self sabotoging side to shut up because you are going to be the best nurse when you complete your program :)
[User Picture]From: [info]friedapearl
2007-08-02 02:37 am (UTC)

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haha I love you....Luckily, with an RN associates degree you don't have to take chemistry right away because it's not my strong suit either. I'm just nervous, but I'm exited too. This woman on the treadmill is a real gossipy nosy troublemaker, she likes to try to get a rise out of me. She's always asking things like, "so how much do you weigh now?" which I never like telling ANYBODY...thanks for the pep talk, you're awesome.
[User Picture]From: [info]perfxcked
2007-08-03 12:47 am (UTC)

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so she is ok? (gigglethrough)
[User Picture]From: [info]friedapearl
2007-08-03 12:54 am (UTC)

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Kat, (thegoldenvision) said she was in a hospital in ICU but that she was alive. I haven't heard anything more.